One thing I’ll point out from her interview:I mean, listen: I like my bikinis very small, and I also like, uh, nude-colored bikinis because people double-take — they think I'm naked on the beach. [Laughs a sinister laugh.] So if you see someone in a nude bikini that's extremely tiny, it's probably me.
This “I love wearing small bikinis” narrative is pretty common to these types of interviews. Brooklyn Decker, Julie Henderson, Daniella Sarahyba—I even remember an Elle Macpherson interview from my childhood in which she expressed disappointment that nude sunbathing is not allowed here in the States, unlike in her native Australia. (I believe it was on Johnny Carson, so it was probably followed by “Whoooo”s from the audience.)
I wonder. Is there simply an exhibitionist personality in the type of person who becomes a swimsuit model? Or is it a more cynical brand-building act of deliberate titillation? These girls know what a rush it is to hear a bikini model talking about how much she loves wearing bikinis, so they plant the seeds of obsession in their audience.
I am overanalyzing this, I know.
One other thing:
…when I was in junior high, I used to be made fun of — for being flat-chested. Everyone would go, "She's not pretty! She doesn't have boobs!" So I always had boob envy. And when finally I went through my growth spurt, and they appeared, and I just... I loved them. So that's why I like boobs, because I didn't have them, and then I got 'em.
When I read this, I imagined a thirteen-year-old Kate Upton wandering the halls of my junior high school in the ’80s, being pointed to and laughed at because of her flat chest. Then I realized I’d have to rework that image, because obviously Kate is younger than me, and this would not have taken place in the ’80s.
Then I did the math.
Kate turned thirteen in 2005. This boob story is just a few years old.
I’m going to lie down for a while.
